Who the hell are the Cheetah Girls? That’s the same question I ask myself every time I bust open a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner. You see, I’m a single male with piss poor homemaking skills and I eat a shit load of mac & cheese for dinner (this is due to the fact that it’s fast, easy, and most importantly of all, delicious) and every time I get ready to make my mac & cheese, the faces of these dolled out “Cheetah Girls” glare at me from the all too familiar blue box.
At first it really didn’t bother me. It was like, oh look, its some 14 year old girls made up to look like middle of the road jungle themed prostitutes. I’ve seen this before on MTV! And then it got ridiculous. It got ridiculous because my chance to “See the Cheetah Girls Live!” never seemed to end and I didn’t want to see them. I just wanted to stay in denial about my true age and live the childhood dream of a Macaroni & Cheese Dinner! Fuck!
Besides, even if I did want to see the Cheetah Girls live I was too scared to admit this out fear that the whole Cheetah Girl’s advertising campaign was just another plot to catch pedophiles by Dateline NBC’s To Catch a Predator. The last thing I needed was Chris Hansen materializing out of thin air into my kitchen asking me tough questions like:
“What are you doing here?”
“Why is a grown man eating Macaroni & Cheese Dinner with 14 year old girls on the box?”
“Why are there condoms in your kitchen?”
There had to be a reason as to why these Cheetah Girls never seemed to vanish from my precious blue box and thanks to my primal instinct of fear, I figured it all out. Everything comes down to marketing and it appalls me that, in addition to children, Kraft’s marketing team targets pedophiles with its Blue Box Blues. That’s right, pedophiles. Who else would these no name glamorized pre-pubescent Cheetah Girls appeal to?
What the hell is wrong with you, Kraft? There are plenty of markets out there that are begging for advertisement aimed in their general direction. Single males, Kraft! Single males! We can’t cook. We’re lazy. We’re easily manipulated. Just look at G4TV.
It would be encouraging to at least have some “of age” girls on your box. Or maybe a football or something that screams, “Buy me! Buy me you lonely and bitter single male. It’s the cheesiest!” But, no. You just had to tap into a market that nobody dared to go after. Thanks a lot you sick bastards. Now all the pedophiles out there have something to look at as they suck on succulent morsels of macaroni and cheese. Shame on you Kraft, shame on you . . . .
At first it really didn’t bother me. It was like, oh look, its some 14 year old girls made up to look like middle of the road jungle themed prostitutes. I’ve seen this before on MTV! And then it got ridiculous. It got ridiculous because my chance to “See the Cheetah Girls Live!” never seemed to end and I didn’t want to see them. I just wanted to stay in denial about my true age and live the childhood dream of a Macaroni & Cheese Dinner! Fuck!
Besides, even if I did want to see the Cheetah Girls live I was too scared to admit this out fear that the whole Cheetah Girl’s advertising campaign was just another plot to catch pedophiles by Dateline NBC’s To Catch a Predator. The last thing I needed was Chris Hansen materializing out of thin air into my kitchen asking me tough questions like:
“What are you doing here?”
“Why is a grown man eating Macaroni & Cheese Dinner with 14 year old girls on the box?”
“Why are there condoms in your kitchen?”
There had to be a reason as to why these Cheetah Girls never seemed to vanish from my precious blue box and thanks to my primal instinct of fear, I figured it all out. Everything comes down to marketing and it appalls me that, in addition to children, Kraft’s marketing team targets pedophiles with its Blue Box Blues. That’s right, pedophiles. Who else would these no name glamorized pre-pubescent Cheetah Girls appeal to?
What the hell is wrong with you, Kraft? There are plenty of markets out there that are begging for advertisement aimed in their general direction. Single males, Kraft! Single males! We can’t cook. We’re lazy. We’re easily manipulated. Just look at G4TV.
It would be encouraging to at least have some “of age” girls on your box. Or maybe a football or something that screams, “Buy me! Buy me you lonely and bitter single male. It’s the cheesiest!” But, no. You just had to tap into a market that nobody dared to go after. Thanks a lot you sick bastards. Now all the pedophiles out there have something to look at as they suck on succulent morsels of macaroni and cheese. Shame on you Kraft, shame on you . . . .
2 comments:
You should do you some research on the internetss. The cheetah girls are actually pretty old, although they are geared towards children. Still hilarious.
um, why DO you have condoms in your kitchen? is there a lot of partying going on there?
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