Inspiration? What Inspiration?

Inspiration, inspiration, where is my inspiration? I hate this. Here I am a wannabe aspiring writer and I can’t even get myself to compose some half assed piece that will move me from “talent less hack” to “mediocre yet witty hack.” I mean, there’s plenty of stuff out there that I want to write about – and by write I mean bitch in word form – but it seems every time I get home from the black hole known as my job I just want to sit my bony ass on the couch and watch some insightful and thought provoking television. You know, Daisy of Love, The Real Housewives of Orange County, Charm School, and How to Destroy Ones Soul Through the Television Medium: The Series. All amazing shows…….

Ugh! This is driving me nuts right now! I have enough thoughts and opinions running around in my head to write a book about but I can’t force myself to regurgitate them through my fingertips onto this here keyboard and out to my audience of 6 and a half people. So much material frolicking around and its wasting away within the confines of my skull. I think I need to watch Fox News’s Fox and Friends to get really heated and inspired but it’s not even on the TV right now! Fuck! Wait, hold on a second. Bingo!

Why does the entire cast of Fox and Friends look like creepy porcelain dolls just waiting to come to life at night so they can kill my favorite dog and black friend? Ah, shit! This won’t work either because I’m digressing – and worse than usual because I’m not even talking about myself to either a. make me sound awesome or b. describe an emotionally trying time in a comical manner to assist in the healing process. I’m straight up changing my thesis statement and that ain’t cool. A little digression is always hilarious but at this point I’m detracting from the flow and continuity of this here writing piece. I won’t stoop to the level of an 8th grader who can’t write for shit just to develop some rushed material for the masses. Who do I look like, George Lucas? I’ll leave those Fox and Friends assclowns for another piece and another day. Just you all wait.

Let’s see, inspiration, inspiration……Ah! Perhaps I’ll randomly punch my roommate in the face right now so I can create a story I can write about and ultimately embellish. He’s sitting on the couch texting like a little bitch at the moment which gives me even more of a reason to hit him. With his eyebrows all pursed and that stupid “I’m texting a girl right now” face. Wait, wait, he just sported the cheese dick “I got a cute message from this girl I like face.” Fuck hitting him in the face, I want to straight up dragon kick him in the throat so his face will go to the “Holy shit my roommate just jumped off the couch and booted me in the jugular” face. Stupid…..

But in all seriousness, I need to find my compositional mojo here because I don’t want to spend the rest of my adult days working. Seriously, I need to establish my reputation as an amazing and awe-inspiring writer and gain some book deal so I can make a bunch of money and then do what I enjoy doing the most – absolutely nothing. And before you call me selfish for not wanting to contribute to society or better the world or whatever cop out excuse you use to justify the job that makes you feel empty inside, let me add that I want to do absolutely nothing with my friends and family. Kind of like Entourage except I won’t be famous or as good looking, or pull as many chicks. I’ll probably still sport the same douchey haircut too unlike Vince with his free flowing locks and what have you. But I digress…..

And there it is. As I sit here and write away seemingly random tirades that come to mind, I think I’m getting to the root of my problem as to why I feel I have no inspiration to write. You see it has nothing to do with inspiration; rather, I don’t have the motivation or the desire to write. And this is all because I work all day and I don’t want to write when I come home because my dreams consist of working full time as a writer and who wants to do more work after you already got off work because then you would have two jobs when you don’t even need to have two because you’re financially comfortable right now and as a result you don’t feel like writing. You following me here? In case you aren’t let me break it down in algorithmic form because it’s all logical and stuff:

Faheem wants to have a job as a writer
Faheem hates working
Faheem hates writing.

Bam! It all makes sense now. Its tough being this brilliant, it really is, but sometimes you just have to use those naturally acquired smarts in order to get to the root of all your problems. I see writing as work and I hate working. I’m supposed to piss my free time away doing more work? Why work when you don’t have to?

I know what you’re thinking right now, “But writing can be a hobby for you, Faheem. LOL.” (I added the LOL to make you sound dumber despite whatever degree you may hold) My response to this is you don’t get paid for your hobbies. That’s what makes them hobbies. And I want to get paid to write so I can do nothing and have plenty of hobbies like writing. In addition, my hobbies include playing Rock Band and watching Daisy of Love and I’m sure as shit you can’t get paid for doing either. If I can get paid for those two things please let me know so I can cease doing both. There’s plenty more things out there I can do without getting paid – sleeping, staring at the wall, giving myself high fives – and I’ll take those up as hobbies any day.

Where’s my inspiration? It’s all there I suppose but I don’t want to equate writing to coming in on a Monday or a Tuesday or a Wednesday or a Thursday for that matter. Friday’s okay because I essentially zone out for the duration of the day thinking of my weekend plans anyway - doing nothing, with friends. I don’t want my writing to become part of the grind like everything else that’s work related but it seems like I’m doing that. Well perhaps I can say to hell with my aspirations of becoming a writer because it only turns a hobby I enjoy into work and it constricts my intellectual creativity. Maybe I’m just writing out my ass at this point because with this "lack of inspiration" I somehow just jammed out a fresh piece. I need some new topics…….