There I was the other day lounging around channel surfing when all of a sudden I found myself fixed on the Fox News Channel watching Bill O’Reilly and then Hannity & Colmes. Although I claim that Fox News is one of the few sources of masculinity out there – which has been scientifically proven – I can’t stand Fox News and its obnoxious conservative pundits like Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity. Despite this, I just sat there watching.
Like a terrible car wreck, or an awful deformity on an individual, I found myself unable to turn away from the network and individuals I claim to loathe so much. I just sat there and watched, even stooping to the low of turning back about every 30 seconds during commercial breaks to make sure I didn’t miss any of Bill’s and later Sean’s words.Despite my inner-self pleading, “No, Faheem! Stop! You hate these guys. They’re fucking annoying and they’re destroying America!” I lacked the inner strength and self respect to just turn the channel. At this point I made a profound discovery:
I am not a hypocrite rather I am just another normal person suffering from an attraction to douchery. The perception out there, especially amongst nice guys, is that women have a tendency to be attracted to douche bags. After my transfixion to Fox News and their personifications of douche, I discovered that it is human beings who have a tendency to be attracted to douche bags. As a species we have a tough time ignoring people we should logically despise. Think of all those famous douches who should have been written off as socially undesirable yet gained fame, fortune, and power: Hitler, Tom Cruise, King Tut, Grover Cleveland, I could go on.
So, where do we go from here you might ask? How do we as a species fight this? Fuck fighting this; you want to be a more socially attractive person, right? Start acting like more of a douche and I guarantee your social life will greatly improve. I figure if I start acting like a douche not only will I attract more ladies but I will gain more friends as well.
For those of you out there who already think I’m a douche that probably explains why we’re such good friends . . . . .
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1 comment:
Fahaeem, thank you for making me feel human. I have to confess that have my douche moments as well. The lowest one is reading gossip weekly magazine in airports to find out what's new in B.Spears' life (what’s wrong with me? Why do I care so much for someone in drugs, sex and mental illness?).
I did not know what “douche” or “douchery” mean. So, I found a good link for definitions of douche.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=douch
I hope this link will help those that are reading this Faheem’s word of wisdom and are in the same ignorance level as I was..
Faheem > Good Job on the comment space.
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