As you all know I really don't care for my job, or working for that matter. So, as a means of adding some pizzazz to the doldrums of my average work day, I take it upon myself to take certain measures to insure my sanity and overall emotional well being. In fact, I am writing this as I currently "work" but I digress.
One of the things I enjoy doing most during the work day is checking up on the news. You see, I'm a firm believer that productivity should take a back seat to being knowledgeable on important world events. With the internet at my finger tips I can get constant updates to our ever changing world. You wouldn't want to be slaving away in your office when the breaking story comes out about an alien invasion or the second coming of Tupac Shakur would you? This being said, I make a point to thoroughly check the news at least twice a day.
So, today as I perused through the "Latest News" on CNN.com I came across a story that absolutely appalled me. CNN – “The Most Trusted Name In News” – reported that Jessica Simpson wrote, via her Twitter, that her dog was taken by a coyote and that a reward is being offered for anyone who finds it. This enthralling “story” went on to list several messages left by Simpson’s Twitter followers that offered prayers and condolences. My initial reaction was, “That’s fucking hilarious,” but my smile quickly faded as disgust over the story set in.
You see, I was not appalled because the dog fell victim to Darwin's theory of Survival of the Fittest - fuck that dog. My utter disgust arose from the fact that some jack ass over at CNN – a “journalist” if you will – decided that this anecdote out of a piss poor actress’s life was some how news worthy. There are a million things to report on – the health care debate, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the economy, Patrick Swayze and how he changed our lives after starring in Roadhouse – and the media establishment continues to poison our minds with pop culture bull shit as if it is somehow important and earth shattering news. Jessica Simpson’s dog!
I mean what the hell is this country coming to? The press used to be a respected institution, the bedrock of a free and democratic people, and now it’s used as a way to spread Junior High quality gossip to the masses. I understand the purpose and importance of entertainment, I get it, but does that shit really have to dilute the pages of the modern day press? Is American society that stupid? Do people just not give a shit about real news anymore? Jessica Simpson’s dog should not be something the press reports on. Period.
I’ll say it again. Fuck that dog. I hope half of it is resting in that coyote’s belly and the other half is scattered across a highway. And before you start calling me cruel, or inhumane, or a straight up asshole let’s look at the current situation we’re in. While Jessica tweets (Twitter’s word, not mine) to all her adoring fans that her precious pooch is missing, people all over the world are dying of terrible things like famine, the uncontrolled spread of disease, and war; the kidnapping, molestation, and murder of children continues to happen every year; our brave service members are getting killed in shit holes like Iraq and Afghanistan. All these things are part of our every day world and the press thinks this dog is important enough to make the news. What irks me even more is that with all this stuff going on, some dip shits out there have the nerve to send condolences and pray for a bimbo celebrity’s dog that had a higher standard of living than your average human being. Now, who’s inhumane? Who’s heartless?
It’s time to wake up to the world around you, boys and girls.
I’ll stand by my statement. Jessica Simpson, from the bottom of my heart, I hope your dog is dead.
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5 comments:
Amen. Nice one, Ben!
Good rant cousin, I couldn't agree with you more. However, I must point this out because it is commonly used in the wrong context:
Darwin's concept of survival of the fittest is not based on the organisms (in this case the purse dog that is pampered more than a trust fund baby) physical strength/prowess, but if the organism has successfully passed its genes to the next generation by impregnating a mate and producing offspring that have the opportunity to pass their traits onto the next generation. It is likely to think that the dog is fixed (balls lopped off or tubes tied), and did not produce a litter of pups, thus the dog would be considered to be unfit. The context that you used survival of the fittest in is, that the dog was not strong/powerful enough to ward off a predator and escape to safety, is more of a result of generations of selective breeding that us humans have done to Canine's for a very long time. I'm assuming her stupid dog is a purse dog (little enough to be taken by a coyote) has had those traits (small, aggressive, super annoying bark) stand out in offspring by purposely mating dogs with similarly strong traits.
Thus, the dog is likely unfit because the chances of a celebrity dog having a litter of puppies is slim (I am assuming that all celebrities follow Bob Barkers advice), but the context was improperly used.
I hope that clears up a common Darwinean misnomer!]Keep up the good posts!
I agree with some of your last statements the most. The people sending their condolences to Jessica Simpson are fucking retarded.
As for the other stuff about dying people and shit everywhere else? You're starting to sound like our cousin, Dan. Hahaha. That shit happens, and yeah it's fucked up. But I'd much rather go to bed laughing about how dumb the press and Jessica Simpson is then worrying about all the pain in the world. Right? Or do you just like to feel miserable?
Then again, if this is coming from CNN, and not Fox News.. then I guess I see your point. I suppose if I didn't want to be informed about all the shit in the world, then I should just stay away from the news in general... which I do... Ok, then I agree. This shit's dumb.
Ben, tells us exactly how you feel...Agreed. I hope the dog is dead too :)
"You see, I was not appalled because the dog fell victim to Darwin's theory of Survival of the Fittest - fuck that dog."
LOL
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